Amazonys – Wii Games

To: Luke
From: Owen
Re: 9 Basterds

This weekend I thought I’d be writing about how I’d decided to re-grow my General Zod beard. Then Dad went bicycling and had a close encounter of the handlebar kind.

Long story short, he went cycling with Mom on her birthday Wednesday and flipped ass-over-teakettle, taking a handgrip to the gut. Because he got stuck right on the scar where he’d gotten an appendectomy 41 years ago – incidentally, an operation for which Mom drove him to the hospital, before they were even married – this created a very bad hernia, requiring emergency surgery.

I called Dad in his hospital room Friday morning. “You think you feel like shit,” I said, “Teddy Kennedy just woke up with the worst hangover ever.”

“You’re lucky that wasn’t funny,” Dad said. When your abdominal wall’s been compromised, it doesn’t take much to make you laugh until you cry. “Imagine getting kicked square in the balls,” he said. “Now imagine your balls are your stomach.”

(Note to commenter ZenGaijin: Explaining over IM your “Fupa PS3″ comment, and other synonyms, caused Dad intense pain this afternoon. “God damn you,” he told me. “I had to put the computer down when I broke out in a sweat from the pain from laughing.”)

Dad told me about hearing all the Code Blue calls coming from the ICU, which were canceled seconds later. And not because the patient suddenly got better. “They got the do-not-resuscitate wristbands on,” he said, “so I checked mine to make sure, since I was out of it when your mother admitted me here.”

The nurse popped in and Dad said he had to go. “She’s listening to the gurgling in my abdomen through a stethoscope,” he said. “I so want the Alien to burst out.”

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Mario Kart: The Movie’s under production – or so we’re led to believe by the trailer you saw earlier this week and now, mister bigshot star flipping out at the lighting guy.

Video: Mario Freaks Out On the Mario Kart: The Movie Set [Gay Gamer]

In reconfiguring their portable, Sony paid attention. Pandora’s Battery made modding the PSP firmware, and thus software piracy, very easy. SCEA’s John Koller said the PSPgo’s battery was made internal-only for just that reason.

“You won’t be able to rip your games and play them on the [PSPgo] system, the firmware precludes that,” Koller told PlayStation Insider. “There’s no external battery, so there’s a number of protections put into place on the system.”

The drawback? When that battery starts to go, you can’t swap it yourself. Back it goes to Sony for replacement, at a fee if it’s out of warranty.

Why You Can’t Remove the Battery from the PSPgo [PlayStation Insider]

Australia’s Classification Board has listed a new rating for Sonic Adventure DX: Director’s Cut, suggesting that the GameCube game might be ported to current systems.

The rating says “multiplatform,” which further vagues up whatever Sega’s plans are here. That Gaming Site, which saw the listing earlier today, figures it could be a new control scheme on the Wii, an XBLA release, or part of some new compilation.

Sonic Adventure DX debuted on the Dreamcast in 1998; the Director’s Cut was the version brought to GameCube and PC in 2003.

Sonic Adventure DX to be Remade Again? [That Gaming Site]

Talking to Randy Hahn for yesterday’s column about announcing NHL 2K10, I tested how deep his vocabulary runs in the game. I threw out a dozen hockey terms – some basic, others esoteric – and asked Hahn if he’d said them.

The scorecard? Only three didn’t make it, and I half expected that two of them wouldn’t anyway.

Here’s the lingo, and Hahn’s response. If you’re not certain of their slang definitions, check out this page.

One-timer: “Of course.”
Face Wash: “Yes, that’s in there.”
Kick-save: “And a beauty.”
Burnt biscuit: “I believe so, yes.”
Playoff beard: “Yes.”
Sin Bin: “Yes.”
Waffle: “Yes.”
Zamboni: “Of course. It’s essential.”
Stoned: “Well, if you mean stopped a shot on goal, yes.”
Garbage Goal: “No, we didn’t do that. It’s a little too negative.”
Gong Show: “No. If we used that, then we’d need to get licensing from Chuck Barris, and he’s dead. But I have said it on air before.” [Actually, Barris is not dead, but he is a lung cancer survivor.]
Puck Bunny: “No. But I’ve met them.”

Redneck Techie, the adorable nutjob who cobbled together motion controls, an LCD screen, and a rifle butt into the “Game Gun,” has news for you. He says it’ll be retailing by Christmas, and it’ll be compatible with all consoles.

Watch him show off the gun again – this looks like a different prototype, with a smaller gun. “Full tracking, all the way around, and you can whip some ass,” he boasts. “Or you die.” This one looks like a wireless configuration. He says it’s compatible with 360, Wii, and PS3, in addition to PC gaming.

Redneck Techie says you may order it here, but I don’t see any order form, price, warranty, specs, anything. Caveat emptor, of course.

And what the hell is going on at 1:12? Is he baked?

Game Gun Going to be Ready for Retail by Christmas, will be Console Compatible [Engadget, thanks Abdul-Elah]

Skepticism takes a holiday in Argentina, where three TV personalities – one of them a doctor – break the news that kids are mixing an alcoholic drink recipe that includes kerosene and axle grease – aka Grog from Monkey Island.

Long story short, network C5N got trolled. Someone sent them a tip that a Facebook group was propagating this dangerous drink, all the rage among kids these days. Grog XD! I love how they included the smiley. Hairspray Job Number One ticks off the ingredients – rum with acetone, battery acid among them – and then the anchor brings in Dr. Alberto Cormillot, said to be a well known nutritionist, to appraise the health benefits of this potent mixture.

“This mixture has kerosene, sulphuric acid, red dye No. 2, SCUMM … what could probably be SCUMM?” he says, according to one translation.

Well, Google it. Script Creation Utility for Maniac Mansion. Used in the development of several graphical adventure games back in the 1990s, one of them Escape from The Secret of Monkey Island. Think Dr. Cormillot got that answer?

“I googled it, and it’s an alcohol delivery service,” Dr. Cormillot says.

Palma de la mano de mi cara …

The video above annotates what was actually broadcast on C5N with Monkey Island – in Spanish, no less – so you get the full picture of just how stupid this all is. I think it was produced by a comedy show down there, but I’m not sure if it’s a broadcast program or web produced.

Epic Fail Argentinian Journalist Fears for Teens Drinking Grog XD [Lucasnews, thanks reader Jeff. Destructoid also had it earlier, from a different source.]

Guitar Hero 5 hits this coming week. So does Champions Online, pressing ahead with the PC release and still no word on when/if ever it’ll hit Xbox 360. Other highlights include Section 8, and the PSP’s Soulcalibur: Broken Destiny.

This week’s count: four for PS3, and 360, two for Wii, two for PC and PSP, one for DS and PS2,

Monday (Aug. 31)
Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 Commander’s Challenge (PS3, 360)
Pinball Hall of Fame – The Williams Collection (PS3, 360)

Tuesday (Sept. 1)
7 Wonders II (DS)
Cruise Ship Vacation Games (Wii)
Guitar Hero 5 (PS2, PS3, Wii, 360)
Section 8 (PC, 360)
Soulcalibur: Broken Destiny (PSP)

Thursday (Sept. 3)
Fate/Unlimited Codes (PSP)
NBA 2K10: Draft Combine (PS3)

Friday (Sept. 4)
Champions Online (PC)

The Entertainment Software Association released its annual report last week, and it shows a very impressive winning streak against anti-games legislation at the state level in the U.S.

In the ESA’s last fiscal year, state legislatures introduced 43 bills that would have regulated the content or access to video games. No bill regulating sales became law. The most notable failures came in Utah, California and New Mexico.

Not all of the ESA’s relationships with state lawmakers are so antagonistic. The annual report also touts the three states – Alabama, Georgia and Michigan – that enacted tax incentives to lure video game development, and another 17 states still considering the idea.

At the federal level, the game industry’s top lobby focused on copyright and IP protection, and also beat back efforts at game content regulation. Internationally, piracy remains a top concern to the ESA; it says it sent takedown notices to ISPs that covered “more than 45 million instances of infringement of member company games in more than 100 countries world wide.”

The ESA added seven members, including Southpeak Interactive, XSEED Games and Koei Corp. The 160,000-member Video Game Voters Network, sponsored by the ESA, was also highlighted in the report. The VGVN organizes letter-writing campaigns to elected officials and candidates whenever legislation or political sentiment threatening games pops up.

You can grab the entire report [pdf] here

MC Hammer once had a house atop a hill off the 680 near Fremont, Calif., and every time I passed it I’d say to myself, “Self, some day I’ll write a Kotaku post about MC Hammer.” That day has come.

MC Hammer, or at least his silhouette anyway, will make an appearance in the achievements for Zombie Apocalypse, the top-down zombie shooter coming to PlayStation Network and Xbox Live. If you “rack up a 100x multiplier in any game mode,” you get “Can’t Touch This.” Because, you know, you’re a big shot. There’s no doubt. Light a fire and pee it out.

Is this licensed? Does Konami, just like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2, have diplomatic immunity, so Hammer you can’t sue?

This also reminds me of one of the all-time great WTF dreams a friend told me about. He said he was at the state fair, and MC Hammer had kidnapped Bill Clinton, taking him to the top of a ferris wheel. The crowd gathered around and began yelling – you can guess the punchline – “Please Hammer, don’t hurt him!”

Zombie Apocalypse – Monster Achievements [Console Monster via Destructoid. Photo via Flickr photographer Richard Anderson]